Every parent wants their child to feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings.. Sometimes children do not want to talk because they do not feel safe. To make your child feel safe you need to listen to them and respond in a way that makes them feel heard. This is not about asking your child questions it is about really listening to what they have to say and being careful about how you react. If you follow some rules you can create a space where your child feels safe to share everything with you.
Foundations of Open Communication
Listen Without Interruption
The important thing to do is to listen to your child without interrupting them. Your child needs to feel like they have your attention and that you are not going to stop them from talking. Do not jump to conclusions. Try to fix the problem before your child has finished talking. When your child feels like you are really listening to them they will be more likely to keep talking.
Manage Your Reactions
Fear is a reason why children do not want to talk to their parents. If your child thinks you are going to get angry or yell at them they will not want to talk to you. To keep your child talking to you you should:
- Stay calm even when your child tells you something
- Do not judge your child this will make them feel bad and they will not want to talk to you
- Do not lecture your child this can make them feel like you are not listening to them
Strategies for Strengthening the Bond
Lead by Example
Sharing is a two-way thing. You should talk to your child about your day. What is going on in your life. When your child sees you being open and honest they will learn that this is a thing to do. This will make it easier for your child to talk to you about their feelings and thoughts.
Respect Their Secrets
Trust is very important. If your child tells you a secret you should keep it. Do not tell people what your child has told you and do not tease your child about their secrets. This will show your child that you are someone they can trust.
Focus on Growth Not Blame
When your child makes a mistake you should be proud of them for telling you the truth. Of getting angry you should use this as a chance to teach your child something new. You can:
- *Tell your child a story about a time when you made a mistake
- Work with your child to come up with a solution to the problem
Building a strong relationship with your child takes time and patience. But if you listen to your child manage your reactions and respect their trust you can create a bond with your child. Remember, it is not about having a child it is, about being a parent who your child can always talk to no matter what. Your child will make mistakes. If you are there to support them and listen to them they will be okay.